PTSD in Not My Time: A Brief Discussion for Mental Health Awareness Month

Beneath the fun superhero romance aspect of NOT MY TIME is Rory’s journey with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a journey heavily based on my own experience with it. 

I don’t talk about this often, but May is #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth, so now is as good a time as ever, right?

My Experience with PTSD

It’s always kind of weird talking about having PTSD (or, in my case more specifically, complex PTSD) when you’re not a war veteran because a lot of people still hold the misconception that it’s the only way you can get it. 

Like Rory, I was stalked when I was in college. Unlike Rory, I didn’t have a great support system to lean on at the time. When it happened to me, I had someone even say that they wished someone liked them enough to do that and I should consider myself lucky. When that wasn’t the sentiment, I was victim-blamed.

When writing NOT MY TIME, the original idea was, “What if there was a superhero story told from the love interest’s point of view, and she’s just as capable as the superhero?”

I didn’t originally intend for Rory to have PTSD, but the more I developed her character before writing the first draft, the more it made sense for her to struggle with some of the same things I struggle with. Her backstory is thus a fictionalized version of part of my own history.

So to anyone who sees themselves in Rory: you’re not alone. 💜

Common PTSD Symptoms

PTSD looks different for everyone, so no two diagnoses will look alike. However, common symptoms include:

• Re-experiencing the traumatic event(s). Re-experiencing typically includes flashbacks, nightmares, and physical responses. It’s not as simple as it is in movies when you see someone thrashing about in a nightmare. It’s essentially a full-body experience.
• Avoidance of anything that reminds you of the traumatic event to prevent triggers.
• Constantly feeling on edge and being more easily agitated or paranoid, sometimes referred to as hyperarousal.
• Depression and/or anxiety.

Treatment will look different for each individual. Contact your mental health professional about what your healing journey may look like. Therapy has been immensely helpful for me.

How Writing Helped Me

Writing NOT MY TIME was an incredibly freeing experience. That not-so-great support system I mentioned earlier? Yeah, they encouraged me to not talk about it. It was something seen as shameful, even though I was the victim and didn’t do anything wrong. No one deserves to be abused by others.

Not talking about it was probably the worst thing I could have done for myself. I was diagnosed in college with PTSD when I was seeing the university’s mental health services (they… did their best, but weren’t great for trauma), and then finally started seeing a therapist in my mid-to-late twenties, it got “upgraded” to complex PTSD*.

So when sitting down with a blank page, once I decided to weave my experiences into Rory’s backstory, it felt like a weight off. Even though her story is a little bit different from my own, the gist of it – a young woman gets stalked and it fucks her up – is the same. The feelings were the same. Her processing of everything years later and how the symptoms all come crashing down on her was the same. It felt like I was finally able to tell this deep dark secret after nearly a decade.

And while I won’t spoil the ending of NOT MY TIME, the final showdown felt pretty cathartic (if you know, you know!).

Even if you’re not a novelist like I am, writing can still be very helpful. My therapist recommended journaling to me, and it really helps. Something as small as a daily check-in via a phone app (I like the one called How We Feel) can help with processing.

*PTSD is typically from one event, whereas complex PTSD is from multiple instances and is more common in those with childhood trauma.